Sunday, November 30, 2008

Sunday @ work @ 3 that's early.

There have been a lot of changes here at my work place. One of the newer supervisors was let go last week. He was a good guy. He just seemed to have a hard time fitting in with others. Well lets just say others felt he didn't blend in well here. I liked him he was a cool guy. People come and go here at our job. Security Officers are an expendable commodity around here. They go through guards like I go through sliders (White Castle hamburgers). It's a sad feeling to feel so replaceable. If I was a person who worried it would get to me. I don't worry because I know God will provide another job if I need one. Don't tell anyone but I had eight different jobs in one year before. Back in 1996 I think it was...heck I was a young, twenty-three year old, horny, party-going, carefree spirit back then. Work is a means to an end to me. I'm really seriously considering the possibility of college again this spring. The plan was to move to the south and take care of my mother-in-law and go to school, but my wife and I are working out a few of our differences so I'll be staying up north and she and my daughter are moving south on Thursday.

My daughter is seven months old and she is so precious. She is like a beacon of joy to me. As soon as I see her my day brightens. She is my fourth child. My only girl. I have three boys as well. They are my heart. Children are so important. I can't figure out why some don't take the time to raise them properly. They make me feel young when I'm around them. I get to climb on the monkey bars, and swing on swings, and slide down slides. I love it. My first wife, the one I had my two oldest boys with, has custody of my sons. I rarely see them, even when they lived less than two miles from my apartment. That has caused me more emotional pain than any other challenge I've ever faced. I miss being more active in their lives. I think they resent me for not being around as much as a real father should be. But I try so hard to see them but to no avail. I'm fortunate If I see them once a month.

I guess my ex-wife thinks I'm a loser and my fatherhood has no value to her, so if I get to see them isn't important to her. It's funny that some people think your worth is measured by how much you make an hour. Oh well It's all a part of being married to the wrong person and then having children with that person. Big mistake. Big mistake to think I could still be a father to children when the mother doesn't think you deserve to. She makes me feel like a single parent. I pay child support and I still don't get to see them. Both of my sons have cell phones, but they don't call me regularly. Once every few weeks if I'm lucky. My oldest is twelve and I think he resents me for having remarried. He still holds on to the hope that his mom and I will get back together. That saddens me and leaves me with serious guilt. My ex and I couldn't be any more wrong for each other.

I was twenty-one when I got married and very unprepared for married life. I didn't know that sometimes when you marry someone, that person will change. I wasn't prepared for that. I thought things would be great like they were throughout our courtship. Heck we courted for a year and a half before getting married. But in all honesty I take the blame for my first marriage not working out. I can give reasons and excuses but when it comes down to it, no matter what 'drove' me to cheat, I was the one who was unfaithful. And that is something I will live with the rest of my days. I only hope God and my children can forgive me.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Sitting @ work on a Saturday. (Thinking about Comic Books!)

It's early morning on a sunny but cold Saturday morning. I'm at work. Again. Seems like I never leave. I enjoy my job, I just wish I could manage my time better on my off days. I work Security at an automotive plant. They make heating and cooling parts for Ford. I do a lot of patrols inside and outside of the plant. It's fun. A lot of people don't think security is fun but I think it is. Most think we just sit on our ass. But I don't. Time goes by pretty smooth here. Before you know it you look up and it's almost time to go.

Thanksgiving Thursday was pretty cool. I went to a co-workers house for Turkey and beer. Good times were had by all. Friday I went to my Local Comic Book Store. When we pulled up Captain America was standing outside in the cold. It was cool because the guy made the costume himself and it looked like it was made well. I took some pics on my camera phone. Once I figure out how, I'll post them on here. I try to go to my Comic Shop once a week. It's like therapy to me. Almost as soon as I walk inside I feel at ease. All my cares and worries melt away. There have been rumors about comic books not selling good or LCBS going under, but I don't see that happening. I think it's a great time to be a comic book reader. X-men has been exciting, Batman has been awesome, and I'm really getting a kick out of Rulk, X-force, and Cable. Feel free to post a comment and let me know what you are reading!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Blog Cherry

Never really done a public journal before. And that's basically what this is. I'm a little leery about what thoughts of mine to make public. But after reading a few other blogs I've come to realize that there are far worse people with far worse thoughts than me. I guess first off I'll start by telling you a bit about myself. I'm a 35 year old white male. Born and raised in a Northern State in the U.S. of A. "America Fuck Yeah!" Where a kid can be a kid and a woman can be a man and a man can have a baby. Hell Yeah! Whoo-Hoo! (I'm not really excited I'm being sarcastic.)
Life seems to suck in 2008 at least it has so far.

I've had one or two spectacular things happen this year. But the rest of the year has been riddled with failures and disappointments. My faith in humankind has really sunk to an all time low this year. But LATELY I've had renewed faith in man once again. People do some shitty things and the shittiest thing people do is try and pretend the shit doesn't exist. Like when gas prices were at an all time high; it was $4.39 a gallon here at one point. They (people) were acting as if life goes on and things were all good. Well I make $10.00 an hour as a security guard. I gross $800 every two weeks. After $150 for child support and $100 in taxes (state and federal mind you) I bring home $539 every two weeks. My rent is $580.00 a month, electric $180, cable $100, and figure in gas and food what do I have left????? Nada much. Maybe 15$ pocket change every two weeks.

But you say: it's my own fault for not having gone to college and gotten a degree right? Degree Sma-gree. I know plenty of guys and gals with degrees in the same sinking ship as I am. Now I'm not knocking education. I went to Community College for 3 semesters in 2006-7 and I loved it!!! I loved learning at a later age in life when I could appreciate the knowledge I was receiving, it was a blessing to say the least. I absolutely loved it!