Spider-Man is my joy

 Saturday probably my least favorite day of the week. Too tired from the work week, too tired to complain, just too tired. Exhausted. Living in transit with only God to lean on. I've made a lot of friends reflecting back on my fifty years of existence. First 18 years were memorable and I remember them with fondness on days of complete sadness. Life is a misery. Some occasional moments of happiness but mostly just disappointment, struggles, and anxiety. Trying every day to better myself but this world takes a lot out of me. Help me Lord. Help me to become happy once again. 

I guess it's really over

 October 24, 2021,

I failed in recognizing what she was doing to me. So blinded by her beauty, her pain became mine to bear. It was hard but never felt burdensome; until I let her take away my light and replace it with fear, doubt, ANXIETY, and most of all loneliness. We met in a homeless shelter and I was captivated instantly. She looked so fragile and innocent. I just wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be ok if she let me help her. We got to know each other, taking walks together downtown where the shelter was located. I just wanted to love her and mostly I wanted her to love me back.

We moved out after a few months the shelter helped us find an apartment in our budget. We made it work. For two yrs. Made it through so many struggles with her depression. She got a matching tattoo that says 'Loyalty' and I asked her to be my wife. She always accused me of being unfaithful to her and she became very abusive and drinking daily made it even worse. Alcohol is the worst substance in my opinion when it is abused. She chose the alcohol over me. I'm living in my truck since September 30th. She stayed with me while we both were working steady and had plenty of income to live 'happily' at least I was happy but she really wasn't. We could have went back to the shelter together, but they test for alcohol every night with a breathalyzer. I knew she wouldn't be able to get it under control as did she. She left me October 18th for a very young man that she worked with. She hasn't responded to any of my Facebook requests or phone calls. She just completely ignores me. I guess it's because she feels somewhat guilty, but she chose to hurt me instead of taking another option like staying with a female companion, she moved in with another 'man'. I'm so broken.

I love my kids

Children are so awesome. Every since child is a blessing. I have learned so much being a parent. My favorite occupation is being a good father. I take pride in accomplishments, and my continued growth. I love you all very much. We had so much fun yesterday. Thank you Jehovah for giving me the opportunity to be a father! God is good.

Sheltered Living

It has been an interesting experience indeed; being without a residence! Liberating, tiresome, frustrating, exhilarating, and sometimes depressingly lonely. I love my life, I miss my children, and I miss sleeping on a mattress. Simplicity and simplifing your life is fundamental to surviving the vagabond existence. The biggest risk factor I have found in living at a shelter is the influence that others at the shelter can have upon you; if you allow it. I am generally a quiet person and I try to be careful who I associate with. Folks can bring you down even if you are having a great day. My advice for today is to surround yourself with positive influences. Seek out likeminded individuals, those with positive goals and good morals. Your day will go much smoother! Remember that life is a gift, and give goodness to those around you and it will return back to you. God Bless. And thank you for reading.

Homeless but not without a 'home'

Yesterday marks the one-month anniversary of sleeping in my car. Sleeping in my 1995 Camaro isn't as bad as I had anticipated. Fortunately I have lots of pillows and blankets to provide ample comfort. The main problem I've had is police. I have been approached a few times but my license is valid and up to date. I have had a few friends let me stay in their house for a few days at a time and I am very grateful. I've learned a lot about nomadic life and surviving the elements. BUG SPRAY is a must in Michigan; let me tell you, and sun-screen. The first few days outside the temperature was in the upper eighties, and I managed to get a nice little sunburn. Spending time admiring nature has been the biggest positive result of my living situation. I walk downtown all day between meals and stop occasionally at the library to cool off and/or draw. I have a new outlook on homelessness in America. It is very interesting to meet those who are homeless; during my mealtime at the shelter. Washtenaw county has a nice shelter which has provided me lunch and dinner Monday through Friday.

-Gun Control-

My views on gun control have changed drastically. The Sandy Hook tragedy and the growing trend of school shootings; brutally senseless killings of children- have opened my eyes. I have children myself. If I were in a situation where a gunman was facing my children to do them harm; I would prefer having a gun and the knowledge to handle a weapon in a crisis situation. The playing field has changed in the world as of 2013. It's been going to hell in a hand basket since 9/11. Some people are sick and there is no other cure besides Jesus, jail or death. Don't always be so quick to blame this on mental illness. That behavior is not always mental illness. Some people are just sick, deranged, delusion, irrational, and unreasonable. After Sandy Hook our family acquired a hand gun. I spent the previous summer learning how to shoot with a retired police officer and close family member. I believe God speaks to us in our heart-our seat of motivation. God's spirit can cause us to act, move, or change our thinking. My thinking on guns has definitely changed. Protect and education yourself. God bless.

Death-Civic Arts-Religion-Faith-God & Love.

God-Faith-Wellness-Civic duties: these are all things we don't talk about enough, as human beings. What we usually talk about is school, work, family, food, and celebrity news. Don't get me wrong, the majority of these things are important to me; especially family, but there are other concerns I secretly dwell upon that I keep private. For instance I often wonder about my own death; with the increase in my age as the decades seem to roll by faster- I ponder the inevitable climax to my life. I wonder if my wife and children will be loved and looked after. I have no real family to help in the event of my death, and her family is older and sickly. I wonder about my children, what will become of them. I worry about these things because I realize life is fragile, and with poor health, our time on earth can seem 'borrowed'. I've made peace with a lot of my demons, but there are still other areas of my life I wish to improve upon. I want change where change can be made. I want happiness when happiness is obtainable.

I hear a lot of 'self help' and 'positive thinking' advice, and I usually can take it with a grain of salt: take in what can help me; then spit out what is merely gristle and filler. I'm looking for the core of the problem so as to find a solution not a quick fix. That's where I want to focus my efforts: the root of the problem. Sometimes the root of the problem/or foundation is our family, a close acquaintance, a work mate, or a loved one. Often it is someone close to us that has a direct impact on our life and our outcome, and is often the direct cause of our dilemma. What do you do then?

-'FAKE IT.'
-Roll with the punches.
-Swallow your pride.
-Buck up.
-Man up...

That's the world's advice.

Here's my advice:

"Persevere in Prayer".
Start every day in prayer.
Focus on spiritual pursuits and concerns helps to lift my spirits.
Give to others.

When I'm feeling down, I bow my head and pray. Prayer before bedtime with my family really adds a sense of closure to my day....endure and persevere through prayer.

"Thank You Lord for Your strength. For allowing me to make it through another day of life in this tiresome system we  live in. Thank You for allowing my family,my immediate and distant relatives and all of mankind to survive another day of life. Watch over us always, bless us and keep us safe in Your loving arms. In Jesus' name, Amen."

God Bless you all
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